One, stretchy clothes, no matter how high of a neckline, does not hide the puppies. I don’t care what you say. I could wear a friggen turtleneck and it still looks obscene. So, I’m on the bus and this kid plops next to me. A big boned boy, maybe about 10 years old. He smells of PE, recess, and a slight twang of Tide. He puts his big backpack on his lap and proceeds to read a book. As he falls asleep, he starts leaning into me. Hello? I’m already SQUISHED up against the wall next to me and you’re gonna use me now as a pillow? What the crap!?
I move and adjust myself so as to wake him up. He continues to do this the duration of the ride. Finally after an hour and twenty minutes (traffic SUCKS here in Hawaii), I get up to get off the bus. He’s SITTING ON MY DRESS! I pull on it to get it out from under his ass and boing!
My cotton stretchy flarey cute dress bounces UP towards my face while I lose my balance because the speed racer bus driver is blowing it on the curve of our pot holey busted up street. I lose my footing, my bag is flinging around while my keys are clanking into the poles of the bus as I grab on to them for dear life so I don't go rolling to the front of the bus like a runaway tire! Nice. Real NICE.
Now I’m REALLY irritated. I get off the bus and go on my merry way. Thank god I had my black leggings on. Cause THAT would’ve been the death of me. Funny…but TOTALLY embarrassing. I have to see those people daily on my commute! That's my story of the day.
Because it's stupid joke friday, and I have a man brain, here's a joke that had me rollin'.
There's a woman in a hospital in a coma. Her nurse notices that every time she sponge bathes the woman around the crotch, her vital signs, increase significantly. The nurse gets the idea that oral sex might just bring the woman out of her coma. She calls the woman's husband, tells him her idea about oral sex, and he agrees.
When he arrives at the hospital, he goes in her room and closes the door. Five minutes later, the man comes running out of the room screaming that she needs a doctor immediately!
The nurse asked the man what had happened.
"I'm not sure, but I think she choked".
Happy Aloha Friday!